In the past three months I ran 21km twice. Two years ago, I did not think I would get this far in my new hobby. Three years ago, I did not think I would make it this far in life. Fifteen years ago, I thought I was going to be a famous violinist like David Garrett.
Recently, I was invited to see David Garrett live in a concert in Bucharest. We didn’t shake hands (he wishes *laughs*). However, a book of memories and visions was open once again before me and my eyes full of water dared to look into the future again.
Then, I wondered: “Where is my future? Where has it gone?” One day in my ex work place, I told someone to look through the window to the horizon in a specific direction because (according to my geographical calculations) that is where Peru is located. They said: “I tried, but at certain point it becomes blurry”. Then I added: “that is how it is for me most of the time here”.
Three years. THREE. OH MY GOD *saying this with both hands in the air while looking at the sky*. This year, I took a break from Romania to study in Turkey for a few months. In general, it went well (Turkey, this land has something. It does!). It’s just that something failed on the way. I lost sight of my future. I even bought a new pair of glasses to see better (and I wore them today). Come on, laugh with me.
Mom never taught me to count sheep to fall asleep. She taught me to count on God by praying before closing my eyes to sleep.
Tonight, to celebrate my third anniversary in Romania and set my eyes in something that is not the hardships of life, this is what I want to do before closing my eyes to sleep, pray: God, I know you listen. I do not know where my future is heading but I know it is in your hands. I do not want you to make it easier for me, I want you to make me stronger to resist until you show me the way. Amen.